Four Days To Go And Counting

I can't believe I am only four days away from my wedding. These past seven months have just flown by. Now I'm looking at this from only a few days away and it has me all twisted up in knots. I am so excited, nervous, thrilled, terrified, and happy. And all at once. It is a very odd sensation to be feeling so many emotions at once, it is making my head spin. I go down into the laundry room to get some wash done and I see that white garment bag that is holding my wedding dress and it gets the butterflies fluttering around my stomach, a knot in my throat so big it makes it hard to breathe, and a chill up my spin that is not all that unnerving.

Mike keeps asking me if I'm ok - and in all honesty. I am. I was so stressed about the first night and how things are going to be. How different my life will be. How much things are going to change and I realized - I'm ok with it. I want these things to change. I want to be a wife. I want to spend the rest of my life with the man I am so in love with. The man who has done everything for me. The man who makes me feel like I'm so much better than I am because he loves me so uncondtionally.

No I don't know how to be a wife. I don't know if I'll make a good one. But I realized, it's ok! I'm going to make mistakes, I'm not going to be a perfect wife, but I'm going to learn how to make a good one.

Am I terrified of being a mother? Of course I am! But I also know that when I become pregnant and have my first baby that I'm going to do everything I can to be a good mom. And when we have our other kids I know I will do the best I can to be a good mom to them as well. Hey if I can handle three dogs and a husband I'm pretty sure I can handle a few kids. I've always wanted to be a mom, I have even looked back at my kindergarten book that we made throughout the year and when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up it says "I want to be a mom." If I ever need a reminder on why I wanted to have kids I can always go back and look at that book and smile, knowing that in the end they are worth it.

And as crazy as it might seem getting Priestly so early and having both dogs to care for has prepared me to be a mother. The first night Priestly was up all night crying and it kept me awake, but even then I had to go to work the next day, even though Priestly got to stay at home and sleep. And having both dogs begging me for attention has again helped me prepare for motherhood. Because the same thing is going to happen when I have kids. Both will want attention and I will be happy to give it to them both. Even though it might seem trying at times, I know I will do the best I can. I know what it is that I wish I could be. I wish I could be just like my mom, Roxanne. Because there was never a time that I can ever remember growing up, that if I needed her she was there. My mom was always there for parent/teacher conferences, helping us with homework, helping out at school, was there within a few minutes if we got sick and needed to come home. There was even a time a couple of girls from the neighborhood were picking on me and when I came home with a swollen ankle that was already turning blue, even though I didn't mention it until she forced it out of me, she went down and confronted the girls who had done it. I couldn't have asked for a better mom. So to my mom - thank you so much for being such a great mother over the years and I hope that I can be just as great a mom to my kids as you were to us.

Well - need to head downtown so Mike and I can get our marriage license today and then I'm getting my nails done for the wedding this afternoon. I also need to get the frames finished, the thank you bags stuffed and start packing for the honeymoon. I need to finish packing up the rest of my things as well. The work just never seems to end these days. :)